there's a story behind this, yes, but first a contest:

[truelove]

Let us pretend that you have these and only these ingredients on hand:

• herbal fruit tea
  
• canned tuna
  
• asparagus
  
• potatoes
  
• onions
  
• pineapple
  
  
• garlic
  
• sage
  
• italian seasoning
  
• paprika
  
• sugar
  
• salt
  
• pepper

What do you make with them?