truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
My bad hip has been freaking out because of the swimming. It's getting better, but it's going to be a long slog until the muscles are strong enough that I don't have trouble with that hip again when exercising.

To deal with this, I have been walking with the cane again regularly.

Yeah, guess how that's been going.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?" say the newer co-workers who haven't seen me walk with a cane before.

"Awww, you're walking with the cane again, what did you do?" say the co-workers who have seen me walk with it before.

"I just need it sometimes," say I, unable to shake the training that it is rude to call people out on their rude as fuck shit. I haven't been unable to make snark my default response and yet I also refuse to explain my disability to people whose business it goddamn well isn't, and that's left me with "I just need it sometimes."

I love how my body is up for comment, that my choice in assistive devices is deemed cause by so many for eyebrows and gestures and "What's with the cane?" -- and in fucking accusatory tones, no less. As if I have done something offensive to society by daring to be young and disabled.

I didn't stop walking with the cane regularly because I stopped being disabled. I just had a good stretch where I didn't need it much. But I'm disabled; usually, the cane lets me deal with it better than without.

But sometimes I think the most useful thing the cane could do for me is hit people's shins when they pry into business that isn't theirs.

The absolute fucking hell of it is: swimming is going to probably help a lot. It'll help my overall fitness. And once the muscles get stronger, I'll probably need the cane less often than I had even when I was stable and mostly not using it.

But even then, I won't stop being disabled.

If only people would stop demanding that I explain myself to them for daring to exist while visibly disabled in their vicinity.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Today i swam ~120 meters. It's an improvement? But yeah. I look forward to being able to swim actual distances and not want to diiiiiiiiiiie.

It continues to be fucking weird that I swim best when I relax the most and am not trying to swim hard for distance or whatever. I mean, I get it, I do, but it's. Counter to most of my prior athletic experience. Relaxation is not a good thing in gymnastics. :3

swimming

Jun. 24th, 2013 11:09 pm
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I've been taking swim lessons. I learned to swim when I was very, very young and was a passable swimmer when I was eight or so but as an adult I've found I have shitty endurance and I've known my form was terrible. So, you know, the solution is: find a coach, have them teach me better form!

My endurance is still shitty but things are getting better. One of the things that she hasn't mentioned explicitly but has implicitly a few times, and the thing that has helped the most so far aside from fixing my arms so they're not hideously inefficient, has been relaxing.

It's hard to relax in the water! You're in water! You could drown! You need to keep swimming! You need to do fifteen things at once! But yeah, actually, it makes the rhythm and movements like eleventy million times easier if you're overall relaxed and let yourself move around a bit in the water.

But probably I wouldn't have gotten so far as figuring that out, without someone coaching me. Like, none of this is shit that I couldn't figure out for myself, but -- then again, it is. It's all stuff I know in pieces, not stuff I know how it looks when it's put together.

Once I can swim a couple laps at a time and not want to curl up and diiiiiiie, I'm going to be looking at diving lessons. I was a gymnast once, and I loved the acrobatics. My joints are arthritic and cranky, these days, you know. Diving seems like lots of fun and like it might not completely destroy my joints.

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