truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
When #trapeze class serves as an overenthusiastic exfoliant to your elbow pits.... #aerial #aerialistproblems
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I have juggled some stuff around and going forward my aerial video and photos on Instagram will be cross-posting here, so there will even be regular new content!

I am, however, too lazy to do my aerial logging to this account, that's all going to keep living on the fannish account. But hey, I might remember to like. Post stuff here more often!

In other news, I'm teaching an anatomy series in March at my aerial studio, Vertical Fix in Tempe! It'll be cool. I'll post a link once the class goes up.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I haven't had to take a tramadol for my bad hip in a couple months now. My baseline pain levels dropped when I started taking H1+H2 antihistamines systematically (as well as some of my digestive crap resolving entirely unexpectedly).

I am constantly sore, my hip flexors are agonisingly tight (wanna watch me screech? poke my psoas attachments), but my bad hip has not screamed blue murder very often the past few months. At most it generally whisper-yells pastel robin's egg armed robbery.

I had to take a tramadol for my shoulder the other day, because I'd put T1/T2 out and had a hell of a time getting it put back, so it was fucking up the whole left shoulder girdle.

I had to take my muscle relaxant during aerial Saturday because my shoulder seized up in objection to one of the moves I was trying to do on silks. My shoulders are much better when I wear my underwire bras as much as possible; I haven't been because my brain is better when I don't have to fuck with changing my bra before/after aerial. I'm going to have to do that anyway, because my shoulders have been very slowly tensing back up to horrific and untenable baseline levels that will leave me with chronic headaches.

My right leg splits are back down on the floor and my heels are nearly back down on the floor in downward dog. I haven't forced the flexibility at all to get there, just sat with what the tendons were willing to do comfortably and let progress inch along. My middle splits will never be on the floor1, which is fine. I know my body and pain better than I did 16-20 years ago, and I know how to stretch and not harm connective tissue. I still worry.

I can swim 600 yards in half an hour at an ambling pace. I cannot stand/walk for longer than 30 minutes without hurting, more than an hour without agony. I bruise like a particularly fragile, overripe peach. I take a minimum of 15 pills a day, and expect to do so the rest of my life. Miss a dose, and everything goes straight to hell.

I've been doing a lot of processing in the background lately on the fact that I am a part-time wheelchair user and I post the aerial videos that I, well, post elseweb and other apparent contradictions that I embody. A list of disparate facets of my health makes me sound fractured but mostly in my own self: I feel like one person, one body, a whole being. It's society that frightens me. Horrifyingly ablist society that likes to accuse anyone but complete paraplegics using wheelchairs of faking.

Faking... what? And to what end? I'm faking the fact that my life is better when I use a wheelchair for some things, to access all the benefits and perks that using a chair in public gives, like: the joy of people acting like asking them to comply with basic fucking courtesy is an unfair burden; people shoving my chair "helpfully" without consultation or so much as a by-your-leave; becoming somehow totally invisible to other people; being aware and concerned someone might attack me verbally or physically for what they perceive as "faking"? Wheelchairs don't just come with disabled parking tags, which is literally the only "perk" by anyone's standards that I can even think of -- not that that's actually a perk as opposed to a necessary accommodation for many to be able to go out and do things, ever. Many disabled people do not have those, though, even chair users: I owned my chair before I got my doctor to sign off on my hangtag, which is a temporary and we'll see if I ever get a permanent.

The society I live in would like the disabled, the old, the inconvenient to disappear altogether unless they have shittons of money and then maybe they can be treated like somewhat lesser shit. Society would definitely like people like me to disappear, who exist across categories they have conceived of as mutually exclusive binaries. (...true across so many things, actually2.)

I can't fix society singlehandedly. But goddamn if I'm going to disappear. I can go around and exist, loudly, defying all expectations. Maybe, if I get their attention, I can get more people to understand that there is no linear equation when it comes to bodies, and that if someone is using an assistive device then that person needs it and everyone else should shut the fuck up and mind their own business. And that, yes, disabled bodies can be strong and athletic and not any less disabled; disability can be a fragment of a more complex whole than simple binary categories acknowledge.

I've made cracks before about the sexual hexadecimal as compared to the sexual binary. Maybe we can try on an understanding of bodies that encompasses that sense of complexity and individual nuance.

This is where my processing has gotten to: I am disabled (that is, I'm not able-bodied) in way that is similar to the fact that I am queer (that is, I am not a cis heterosexual). As it currently stands, there's a great deal of use for the umbrella term and I don't see eradicating the underlying need for it any time soon. (...or ever, actually. But I try to practice optimism even if I'm relatively bad at it.) That said -- I keep grasping for more nuance within the shelter of that umbrella, and I don't really know where to find it.

1I only ever knew one person who had their middle splits completely down to the floor, in gymnastics; it was the 10-year old son of my coach. His younger sister didn't have it, either. I have no idea if he kept that flexibility, but the thing about this is that it's so unexpected: no one expects a male person to be the most flexible, but bodies are sometimes like that. Sometimes you break the bell curve.

2Huh, I wonder if, in addition to many other reasons why there is so much crossover, coming to accept defiance of one leads to easier acceptance of defiance of others is a contributing factor to the fact that so many self-identified disabled folks I know also self-identify as queer/trans/QUILTBAG. Because goddamn do I know a lot of queer disabled folks.
truelove: A woman in high heels on a chimney (witchy)
Ingredients: )

Instructions: )

If you use Pepperplate, I've shared my edition: Duck Breast (sous vide).

So, anyway, this recipe is a modification/combination of Serious Eats' sous vide duck breast recipe and a roast duckling recipe from John Hadamuscin's cookbook The Holidays. (We use that cookbook extensively for our holiday cooking; it's a bit older, but honestly it is a really fantastic resource for all manner of end of year/winter holiday cooking.)

I actually ran a head-to-head taste test of the marinade combo against just the Serious Eats' cooking methodology using the dry seasoning from the roast duckling recipe rather than just salt and pepper. (The sister-in-law didn't want to do just salt and pepper, as this is for our Fancy Pants Christmas Dinner and, well, we are well documented as ridiculous loons about Christmas Dinner.)

Both were very, very tasty, but the marinade still won hands down -- it kept much more of the gamey flavour of the duck. Which has sorted our secondary protein for this year's Christmas Dinner.

It's also really important to note that the sear on the duck breast is not your typical quick sous vide sear: in order to render out more of the fat and get that nice crispy skin, you need to do a much longer/slower sear, starting skin side down. No additional fat is needed for the sear, of course, because the duck brings plenty of its own to the party.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Here is a survey for my final project in one of my classes at ASU, DCE303. If you have a few minutes to take it, your participation would be greatly appreciated!

If you have any questions about the survey or the class, please feel free to email me at
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Owing to how my given name is Felicity, I happen to have a 50mL bottle of the eau de toilette and a 1mL sample of the perfume of this stuff:

Ordinarily, I'd not be giving them away; they were a present which I appreciated the thought and sentiment behind. But unfortunately, I cannot wear them. Most of what I smell from either of them is the horrible chemical "perfume" smell that all traditional perfumes have to me (current working theory: it's possibly a fixative used, since alcohols don't bother me).

So! If anyone would like them, they're free to a good home. If they don't work for you, I'd prefer them to be passed on to someone who does appreciate them; the idea here is, it seems a waste for them to sit, unused, but that's really it. I'll ship them free anywhere in the US; I'm happy to send them farther afield as well, just, depending on what shipping runs, I may ask you to chip in a bit towards shipping.

If you're interested, ping me with a private message, we can sort out mailing details. :)
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Sock Dreams gift cards. Gift cards to Dillards. Gift cards to places that sell craft supplies. Gift cards to places that sell books. Gift cards for iTunes. Alcohol (wine, cider, rum, tequila; check with my husband for specifics). Chocolate. Riedel glassware. 8g earrings.


Sep. 5th, 2013 11:50 am
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Over on my fannish journal, I'm journalling/logging about my experiences with working on my physical fitness and it being an exercise in embodiment for me.

Mostly I'm doing it over there because that's the account I'm actually logged into when/where it's convenient to actually do any journalling. I really keep meaning to do more with this journal but honestly it ends up feeling in so many ways like a mask -- this is the personal journal I allow to be associated with my legal name but really, if I want to talk about stuff it's probably going to be on the fannish journal.

Anyway, if you're very interested in the embodiment thing and don't already know my fannish identity, ping me privately (or comment with a way for me to contact you privately) and I'll probably be happy to let you know where it is. :)
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
My bad hip has been freaking out because of the swimming. It's getting better, but it's going to be a long slog until the muscles are strong enough that I don't have trouble with that hip again when exercising.

To deal with this, I have been walking with the cane again regularly.

Yeah, guess how that's been going.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?" say the newer co-workers who haven't seen me walk with a cane before.

"Awww, you're walking with the cane again, what did you do?" say the co-workers who have seen me walk with it before.

"I just need it sometimes," say I, unable to shake the training that it is rude to call people out on their rude as fuck shit. I haven't been unable to make snark my default response and yet I also refuse to explain my disability to people whose business it goddamn well isn't, and that's left me with "I just need it sometimes."

I love how my body is up for comment, that my choice in assistive devices is deemed cause by so many for eyebrows and gestures and "What's with the cane?" -- and in fucking accusatory tones, no less. As if I have done something offensive to society by daring to be young and disabled.

I didn't stop walking with the cane regularly because I stopped being disabled. I just had a good stretch where I didn't need it much. But I'm disabled; usually, the cane lets me deal with it better than without.

But sometimes I think the most useful thing the cane could do for me is hit people's shins when they pry into business that isn't theirs.

The absolute fucking hell of it is: swimming is going to probably help a lot. It'll help my overall fitness. And once the muscles get stronger, I'll probably need the cane less often than I had even when I was stable and mostly not using it.

But even then, I won't stop being disabled.

If only people would stop demanding that I explain myself to them for daring to exist while visibly disabled in their vicinity.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Today i swam ~120 meters. It's an improvement? But yeah. I look forward to being able to swim actual distances and not want to diiiiiiiiiiie.

It continues to be fucking weird that I swim best when I relax the most and am not trying to swim hard for distance or whatever. I mean, I get it, I do, but it's. Counter to most of my prior athletic experience. Relaxation is not a good thing in gymnastics. :3


Jun. 24th, 2013 11:09 pm
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I've been taking swim lessons. I learned to swim when I was very, very young and was a passable swimmer when I was eight or so but as an adult I've found I have shitty endurance and I've known my form was terrible. So, you know, the solution is: find a coach, have them teach me better form!

My endurance is still shitty but things are getting better. One of the things that she hasn't mentioned explicitly but has implicitly a few times, and the thing that has helped the most so far aside from fixing my arms so they're not hideously inefficient, has been relaxing.

It's hard to relax in the water! You're in water! You could drown! You need to keep swimming! You need to do fifteen things at once! But yeah, actually, it makes the rhythm and movements like eleventy million times easier if you're overall relaxed and let yourself move around a bit in the water.

But probably I wouldn't have gotten so far as figuring that out, without someone coaching me. Like, none of this is shit that I couldn't figure out for myself, but -- then again, it is. It's all stuff I know in pieces, not stuff I know how it looks when it's put together.

Once I can swim a couple laps at a time and not want to curl up and diiiiiiie, I'm going to be looking at diving lessons. I was a gymnast once, and I loved the acrobatics. My joints are arthritic and cranky, these days, you know. Diving seems like lots of fun and like it might not completely destroy my joints.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
if/when my house ever needs to replace our current water fountain for the cats, these two caught my eye: Drinkwell Pagoda fountain and Drinkwell 360.

Oh and should we ever acquire a dog, this is a nice looking pet water canteen: Drinkwell Hydro-Go.
truelove: A woman in high heels on a chimney (fashion)
I have been experimenting with makeup, lately. It's been -- interesting, definitely. For a variety of reasons, I don't care for subtle. I want it to be *obvious* that I am wearing makeup, that I have chosen to paint my face. I'm not super keen on conforming to the standard forms of femininity, so my lipstick by preference so far has been black and green.

But I picked up a couple shades of red that are -- well, they're pretty damn bold. One's called This Corrosion, it pretty well IS the colour of rust. The other's Undead Red, which is a dark plum that's almost brown. But they are in the red palette so I can get away with them at work.

The thing that's interesting about that is, my work manual says makeup must be subtle. Subtle? Subtle this is not. And most of the women who work here who wear makeup don't wear particularly subtle makeup.

"Subtle" here actually means close to the established norms of femme makeup. How close? Who knows. I mean, black lipstick would be too far of course. But a painfully obviously unnatural shade of something-vaaaguely-red is A-OK, so basically what the fuck. Beauty standards are completely bizarre.

(The other thing that was disconcerting as fuck was being completely thrown by a compliment on my lipstick. I -- was really deeply uncomfortable with the implication of praise on buckling down and conforming to feminine beauty standards. I, uh. I have some dysphoria on that score, sometimes.)
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Going off a recipe I found online, I ended up with this, which makes up 4g and should be a smidge less than your average lipbalm tube, ie a single batch.

~1.6 grams of my own skin blend oil (1/3 avocado, 1/3 walnut, 1/3 coconut)
~1.0 grams of shea butter
~0.8 grams of wax (1/2 carnauba, 1/2 candellila)
~0.6 grams of kokum butter
~1-4 drops of essential oils

Melt the oil and wax and butter in double boiler until the wax is entirely melted, and add in the essential oils. Pour into a tin or whatever, quickly -- the wax will set up pretty fast, actually.

The balm is actually pretty solid once it sets up and probably would be much easier to apply if you poured into an applicator tube, but isn't bad to apply with your finger, at least as a lip balm.

It sits on the skin pretty well while still absorbing which is great if you're constantly reapplying lipbalm, like me.

Next couple of experiments are going to involve reducing the wax a bit and adding more liquid oil for a softer balm; also, probably I will be trying making some shea butter lotion/balms.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I realise not nearly as many people follow this identity as do my fannish pseud, but if you do and you see this:

Cute fuzzy animals, and funny things that are not racist/sexist/ablist would cheer me up immensely. It has been A Day.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
logging links to a couple of posts so I don't lose them:

[personal profile] rydra_wong's protein ball recipe that sounds awesome. also, a couple of base recipes for lip balm.

so, does anyone have suggestions for good sources for candelilla wax and shea butter?
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
I have a $50 credit with B&N from purchasing my new Nook HD+ (her name is Cordelia).

So, hey, would anyone care to rec me their favourite Darkover books and/or a best reading order?

Some of the idcandy in there is not for me, some of the idcandy is the idest of candy for me, so (to my recollection, Spell Sword/Forbidden Tower are the ones that were super idcandy for me).

I have asked this before elsewhere but it's been awhile and I don't want to go digging.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
Eeesh, it took long enough to dig this up.'s copy of The Pretty Year's really excellent dissection of bra sizes and *why* women are mostly wearing the wrong size:

ETA: Also, have the followup article:, which discusses the math/geometry of bra sizes.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
So, you know, since I'm trying to expand my 8g jewelry so I've got more choices and can pair to outfits and mood and whatever, I went wandering through BAF's 8g section and pulled links for all the stuff that caught my eye. This is basically just a wishlist/reference of the kinds of things that I like in earrings -- anything with a * really caught my eye or is something I am planning on picking up eventually. (Some of them's kinda spendy and/or unique so, you know, realistically I'm not going to pick up all the stuff I have starred even over the long haul.)

This gets kinda long, even as text, so: )

And then, for my own reference, I want to pick these up next paycheck if they're still available then: Gold Wisteria.

Oh hey, since I tagged this wishlist, a note in general for anyone who might be looking to give me jewelry:

Organics (ie, horn, wood, etc.) are fine, and so are silver and gold, but stainless steel is best avoided as I'm sensitive to even the high quality stuff.
truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)
solid brass loops with mother of pearl crosses hanging from them

(they haven't arrived yet, but soon they shall. *rubs hands together in gleeful, villainish fashion* my pretties!)


truelove: an orange tabby cat looking down, to the left, away from the camera (Default)


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